This weekend in ITC class, after 17 months of warmth, I accidentally fell down because I couldn't stand firmly, and then opened my throat and burst into tears. Mom immediately ran over, and the other parents who were observing nearby quickly watched and expressed their concern eagerly: "Don't cry, don't cry! It's okay, it's okay! It doesn't hurt anymore, oh no!" Nuannuan cried even louder.
How does the teacher do it
Let's imagine, if we were injured and feeling sad, a large group of people would gather around and say to you, 'Don't be sad, it's okay, it doesn't hurt anymore, be brave!'! How would you feel? For me, I will be even sadder. I was clearly injured and in severe pain, yet you said it's okay, it doesn't hurt anymore, and you still want me to be brave! You all can't truly understand my feelings and needs!
Seeing Nuannuan crying harder and harder, the mother holding her exclaimed with frustration, "Baby, I'm sorry, it's all Mom's fault. Mom was too far away from you and couldn't catch you. Please forgive Mom." However, the child didn't stop crying because of Mom's apology. I understand my mother's feelings of heartache and self blame: I wish we had suffered that pain for our child.
But looking back, what did the child learn from doing this—— I'm crying, it's my mom's fault! Mom needs to take responsibility and apologize for this, I don't need to take responsibility for my own behavior, nor do I need to learn how to comfort myself
After communicating with Nuan Nuan's mother, I suggested that she use questioning to help Nuan Nuan understand the facts and feelings when she encounters similar situations in the future. For example, saying to her, "Did you accidentally fall and hit your head just now? Did it hurt a bit? Are you feeling better now? What can I do for you?" When we give the initiative back to our children, they can actually learn self adjustment and problem-solving methods from it.
Accept the child's' crying '
Actually, crying is a very normal thing for children. As the saying goes, no child grows up without crying. Along with growth, besides happiness, there are also setbacks and difficulties. Children learn new skills and knowledge from these setbacks and difficulties, and constantly make progress.
We need to realize that crying and laughing are the same, both emotions as human beings and precious experiences of life. When a child cries due to emotions such as injury, setbacks, or sadness, we can first accept their emotions and allow them to release them through crying, quietly accompanying them. After their emotions gradually calm down, we can provide timely comfort or hugs.
For children who are young and unable to express themselves well, we can help them understand facts and feelings through questioning, and learn ways to think and solve problems from it.
